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Melina on what WWE told her when she was released, her suicide attempt and battle with depression


During Melina's interview on Lilian Garcia's "Chasing Glory" podcast, she addressed her release from WWE and her battle with depression, being raped and attempted suicide.

"Creative had nothing for me," is what WWE told her when she was released in 2011. "I was relieved when I got let go. It's nothing against WWE. What happened was I was injured twice. I never really took real time off and throughout the things I been through, I needed to get my mind straight. I needed peace. I needed to take a break."

Garcia asked if she is okay with not being back with WWE after all of these years. Melina said, "I'm okay. I'm secure in what I've done." She said that now people are starting to appreciate what she's done when she was in WWE. She said even a person like Chyna who is deserving to be in the WWE Hall Of Fame was not inducted for so many years. Melina continued, "Melina, the human being Melina will survive regardless."

She said she was able to find value and happiness out of the ring.

Melina also talked about her battle with depression. She said she went through hardships growing up but it never affected her because she had family around her and she felt strong and confident.

However, her traumas came later in life. As an adult, she felt like she never belonged and she had to deal with bullying. She also said she was sexually assaulted.

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She said it took years for her to be able to talk about how she contemplated committing suicide. "The assault and depression are two different things," Melina said. "What happened for me was somebody caught me before anything happened to me," about her attempted suicide. She said this was during her time in WWE and when she was dealing with a leg injury. She talked about what can go through someone's mind when they are thinking of ending their life.

"I hated life. When it comes to depression, when it comes to thinking about suicide it's a series of events. It's not something that just happens. Not just a series of events but also a series of things you tell yourself," she said. "You think about the people around you and you tell yourself they are better off without you. A lot of times the people who care and have the biggest hearts are the ones that say 'everybody's lives would be better if I wasn't here.'"

Years later she said she had survivors guilt and she would ask herself why she still exists on Earth. Later, she realized she has a purpose to live but she went to another serious bout with depression.

"I got better and then hit another form of depression when I got raped again. Everything started falling apart. I didn't want to leave the house. I couldn't socialize because I kept thinking no matter what scenario I kept thinking what if something happens? I was paranoid, scared and really couldn't trust people. I again started wanting to die. I couldn't get up out of bed in the morning. I didn't have my family because my family didn't understand anything I was going through. If anything, it would make me feel bad to tell my family and then break their hearts or be a disappointment. I didn't really have friends because sometimes when you have relationships, you push people away. I'm big on my family and friends nowadays because I never want to push my friends again."

She continued, "I was alone, depressed and my dog saved my life. He was the reason why I got up in the morning. I would drink myself to oblivion. I would pray that maybe I'll have a heart attack, maybe I'll die. I'd say crazy ass things to myself in my head thinking I just wish it would all end. Because I didn't, I was in my head telling myself I was a coward for not trying to commit suicide again. I hated my life. I would look at my dog's face and he didn't understand what was going on. He'd just get closer and closer and look at me with concern. Then I'd look at that little face and I'd say 'I don't deserve you.'"

Melina said she would take steps to get better and would take her dog for a walk. She remembers Batista telling her, "Go outside and share your smile with the world."

She said she did other things to get herself out of the depression by changing the colors of the wall and not listening to music that would get her depressed.

Click below to listen to the entire interview: