Tommy Dreamer’s latest “House of Hardcore” podcast deals with depression. Dreamer says he did this podcast because he hopes to help others dealing with depression.
Dreamer talked about cutting himself and then almost jumping out of a window after being rejected by a girl in high school. The other story happened when he was an adult shortly after ECW shut down. Dreamer said he had a lot of his own money and his parent’s money invested in the company.
“Paul Heyman, who I thought me and him were super tight. He screwed me over big time. He was in the WWE the whole time. I had turned down hundreds of thousands of dollars to go to WCW. Now I was unemployed. I went from a $750,000 offer and Paul Heyman crying to me that if I leave ECW, it would go out of business and meanwhile he was getting a paycheck from WWE. I don’t begrudge him but then I did.”
Dreamer said he was very depressed around this time. He said, “It was the worst time of my life, it really was. I was just doing indies and I was making decent money on indies. I lived at home but I was sad. I focused on working out, which was my masking agent.”
Dreamer said he got down to 225 pounds around this time because he masked his sadness by working out. Dreamer said he watched the 30 for 30 documentary on NFL’s Junior Seau and noted how Seau had a lot of deep rooted issues due to financial issues and CTE. Dreamer said, “I’ve probably have had some CTE and that’s gonna be a whole other discussion but man I was sad. I was sad every single day.”
Dreamer added, “I’ll never forget it and this is crazy for me to admit it but I’m doing it for a reason.” He said that he was told by Heyman that he was going to debut in the WrestleMania 17 ladder match in a run-in but that spot went to Rhyno. Then he was told that they were going to include Dreamer in the Hardcore match but plans changed.
Dreamer said he was in Houston for an indie show and he saw a sign that said: “guns welcome.” He said that sign resonated in his head.
“I’ll tell you what I wanted to do and it’s sick that I think this. At WrestleMania, I was going to hop the rail and I was going to wack Paul E. in the back of the head right at the announce table. And I was going to wack myself [to] be an ultimate martyr, hit my post, crack, boom, pull the trigger.”
Dreamer said it was an insane thought but that is what he was thinking about every day around that time because he was so severely depressed and “mental with rage.” Dreamer said he needed help and it came in the form of a phone call from Jim Ross.
“I remember having these thoughts. It was bad, I had a gun. Could you think about the horribleness that I would have done for my legacy? I would have ruined WrestleMania, which I love WrestleMania. These thoughts were so crazed in my head because I was like ‘how dare that person, he screwed my parents over.’ I come from kind of a mobster mentality. In my head I was like ‘man, I would become infamous’ which is being famous for the wrong reason. I’m glad I didn’t do it but when that phone call came from Jim Ross and it said ‘hey Tommy it’s Jim Ross, just wanna let you know we’re still thinking about you, we’re gonna get the deal done, just gotta hang tight. Thank you.’
Dreamer said he never told this to Jim Ross and said JR is the only boss that never lied to him. Dreamer ended by saying, “think of how stupid I would have been, how dumb and how messed up my thoughts would have been if they would have come to fruition. I’m so happy I didn’t do it and I’m so happy that I did get that phone call from someone who was a stranger to me. I barely knew the guy. There was another day, there’s been a lot of other days.”
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